Terminal Genesis:  The Confessionals
by Yo's Subordinate
Summary: Dedicated to Ambie-chan. 4 shot Prequel to Indomitable. Yus/Hi/Yus/Koe/Yus. Glimpses into the minds of 3 men plus the gang at different points during Yusuke and Koenma's "wedding" day reveal a dark, dangerous secret . . .
1. Part I

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. So I'm not making money off this fic. I've worked my ass off the plot line though…I guess maybe I can claim that? (Still not any making money…).

Dedication: To my lovely wolf, Ambie-chan. It's sort of a birthday fic..though I probably won't have the chance to finish it by your birthday. I so wanted to, though…

Chapter Warning: Angst. Yaoi. Two-timing. Episode perversion (Ep. 112 is twisted to my purposes for this fic; I'll do this at least two or three more times for the same purpose). AU to an extent (I have my own time line developing…). Lying. Almosts. What-ifs. Love triangle (Yusuke/Hiei/Yusuke/Koenma/Yusuke if you wish to get technical). If I think of something else I'll revise this part…

Rating: This will be **Mature** overall because I'm _**very**_ likely to write lemon/lime-ish scenes Part II and Part III.

General Summary: Glimpses into the minds of Yusuke, Hiei, Koenma, and even the gang at different points during Yusuke and Koenma's "wedding" day reveal a dark, dangerous secret with the potential to rupture Yusuke's entire world and perhaps even the people in it…

Author's Notes: _Part I_ is in Yusuke's POV, and it's also written for LJ's sacred_20's theme #7 genesis on the 4th table for the Hiei/Yusuke pairing. This also is written for 7_deadly_sins_ #6 Lust (also Hiei/Yusuke. _Part I_ was also inspired by Creed's song "On My Sleeve." **This is a four-chapter prequel to ****Indomitable**and is pre-Francesca. The humans in the show are still alive in this. Don't hit me for making Keiko/Kuwabara a pairing in the timeline. The time period for this specific fic takes place roughly 400 years before the beginning of Indomitable and it's been about ten years since episode 112. Part II will be Hiei's POV, Part III Koenma's POV, and Part IV General (3rd person) POV. You can consider this a psychological (confessional?) fic, where I'm trying to give you the mind of the characters. I'm experimenting a bit with this fic.

Now that I've bored you to death with notes…enjoy!

.-.-.-.

**Terminal Genesis: The Confessionals**_**  
Part I - Before**_

Chapter finished on 2. 20.10  
Chapter word count**:**Roughly 1800 words  
Lightly Edited: 6/27/11

.-.-.-.

_Every decision you make will affect the countless people who care about you._—Genkai to Yusuke; YYH ep. 52 "The Death of Genkai"

_Freedom is strangely ephemeral. It is something like breathing; one only becomes acutely aware of its importance when one is choking_.—William E. Simon

.-.-.-.

He's been my addiction for so long now even when Keiko and I were still together. Our trysts didn't begin until after the Dark Tournament, but on some level, in some way, ever since I met him for my first case, we've always wanted, lusted after, each other. Nobody else ever seems to notice the dark, heated looks we exchange the rare times we are in a room together with the others. Every touch, however small, however fleeting, starts that fire only _he_ can ignite in my blood.

I think Kurama may suspect something. I don't know what I'd do if he knew the truth. This secret is too…dangerous for the others to know. _He_ even agrees with me.

Though she didn't know it, Keiko lost me to him. I need him in ways she could've never been for me. But I couldn't stand it if she ever found out the truth…

I remember the day I came back from Demon World. That day at the beach. I was coming back to keep my promise, just not in the way she would expect. I'd already thought about what I'd say to end our engagement. I'd have taken her into my arms and said, "Keiko, listen, I've come back, like I promised, but I can't marry you." I'd wait for her to push me away, slap me, then demand to know why. I'd have said, "I saw so much in Demon World, things that change you. It's where I belong, Keiko. Us staying together would only hurt you…I'm not human enough to be with you anymore." My explanation wouldn't have been a complete lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. I couldn't marry her because I didn't want to lie anymore. I could see _him_…for the first time without cheating on Keiko.

She surprised _me_ that day, however. Nothing went by the script in my head. She had grown up since the last time I saw her, and, yes, she was beautiful. A woman. Her chestnut locks fell across her shoulders and down her back, glistening in the dying light of the sun against the backdrop of the sparkling ocean. Her face was sharper, paler. Her body had filled out, curved beneath the fabric of her blouse, her skirt. Even then, though beautiful, though woman, she wasn't _him_. Her body was softer, rounder…more fragile…than his. I noted that difference even standing there gazing at her, my face a mask, my hands jammed in my pockets.

She didn't hug me. She strangely stood one arm length in front of me, barely looking me in the eye. I didn't know what to do or say, especially when she turned the full force of her dark eyes on me. I saw…guilt flooding them, a storm of tears beginning to gather there.

"Keiko?" I asked reaching out a hand toward her, but dropped it when she backed away, shaking her head fiercely.

"No! Don't touch me, Yusuke. I don't deserve it for what I've done…don't comfort me…" Her voice quaked, but still she didn't cry.

I saw Kuwabara shifting toward her out of the corner of my eye. I found that…odd.

"What have you done?" I asked, careful, trying to be as soothing as possible.

"I…you took so long, Yusuke. I had to move on. I…I fell in love with someone else. We…We can't get married." She confessed, staring defiantly at me by the time she finished speaking.

Kuwabara stood closer now, directly behind her by two or three feet. He was in a protective stance, ready to spring at a moment's notice to remove Keiko from harm's way.

I genuinely felt insulted that he'd believe I'd hurt Keiko, and my glare should've told him as much.

"Back off, Kuwabara. You should know I'd never intentionally hurt Keiko." I all but growled at him.

Both Keiko and Kuwabara's eyes widened.

"Ura-Urameshi?" He did back off—slightly.

"I didn't expect you to wait, Keiko, but I kept my promise by returning. I just…love whoever you want. Just be happy." I turned away from them both, away from Shizuru, Yukina, Botan, and Kurama.

I couldn't let them see how…happy I was. I tried to fight the big smile trying to spread across my lips. I tried to pummel down the warmth bubbling in my chest. I was _finally _free to go to _him_.

"Yusuke?" I heard the uncertainty in her voice, but beneath it—disbelief, happiness, gratefulness.

I made sure I'd fought back my emotions before I turned to smile at her softly, almost even sadly.

"Yes?" I asked.

She tackled me into the sand, her tears giving way to something joyful. And she was kissing my cheeks and forehead, murmuring over and over again "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" The others were laughing, even Kuwabara.

He, Keiko, Yukina, Botan, and I had eventually started playing in the water, splashing each other, like kids, like the old, _old _friends we were. We were there in that moment like those who had been through hell and back together, but could now enjoy a moment's peace. And feel _together_ what the hope of the future might bring.

She was happy that I accepted her and Kuwabara's relationship. I was glad I didn't have to lie anymore…

Or the latter had been what I'd thought that day.

It's been about ten years since then. I had no idea Koenma had been waiting in the wings for Keiko and I to end our relationship. Nor had I known that I'd fall in love with him so completely, so irrevocably. I had no idea I'd have to continue to lie, to hide my addiction for Hiei.

Koenma may have been waiting in the wings, but Hiei had waited years and years in the shadows. I can't choose between them. Too many lies. Too many hearts connected. Too much so easily broken. I keep from hurting them all by this deception, and only _he_ knows this truth.

I don't know why I'm thinking about all of this on the day I'm to be bound to Koenma. It's supposed to be my "wedding" day. I should be the happiest I've ever been, but tears are falling...

I look into the mirror and I see someone I've never met before. I see a stranger. The water from the faucet runs as I cry. I can't help it. I punch the mirror with my fist because I don't want to see that liar.

"Detective." He's right there beside me, taking my hand away from where the mirror used to be.

With his free hand, he turns the faucet off and then wipes the tears away. My injured hand's bleeding, throbbing, until he brings my knuckles to his lips, kissing the flesh, pulling out each broken shard gently with his teeth and spitting them on the floor. He then licks the blood away. I gasp, and the fire once again takes over me. The warmth. The wetness of his tongue. The velvet of his lips. The nip of his teeth. My knees start giving out, yet he holds me steady.

"Don't be a fool." He whispers, warm, dark, silken breath against my ear.

Then, he's gone.

"Yusuke! Wha—Oh my goodness! Are you alright?" Botan's worry helps me to sober myself.

"Heh. Just—just nervous, you know? I'm gonna be pissed if I make an ass of myself." I laugh in a self-defeating way. Gods, how the hell can she believe such a stupid lie?

"Oh, shut up, Yusuke. Let me see your hand." I give it to her, and she heals it.

"Thanks, Botan. I don't know what I'd do without you." Really I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't so…gullible.

"I know. Now get your rear in there, so we can put on your robes! We're going to be late if we don't hurry!" As she says that, she shoves me toward the bedroom I share with Koenma.

"I'm just so glad Lord Enma approved _everyone_ to attend the Bonding in Spirit World!" She starts gushing almost as soon as she begins pulling me out of my bath robe and into the dress robes.

"Well, I guess he's really happy and proud. It's not everyday your son gets bonded." She is still rambling even as she is twisting and turning my body, placing the robe on the way it needs to go.

"Just wait until the day he gets his first grandson!" I nearly choke when I hear that, but she doesn't seem to notice.

"Lord Enma won't know what to do with himself!" Oh, gods, shut up, Botan.

That's what I want to tell her, but I don't. She keeps jabbering, and I zone out. I don't come to until she has stopped and is looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I ask, irritable and on edge.

"I said, 'You look handsome. Now, if I could trust you around mirrors, I'd let you have a look-see. But we're almost late. Are you ready?'" She repeated, not too far from sounding irritated herself.

"No, let me have a 'look-see.' I promise to behave…not break anything." I mutter to the blue-headed ferry girl wonder.

Botan grins and tugs me toward the full length mirrors in front of the bed, which lead into the spacious closets. I stop in front of them and _almost_ fall over. I see the stranger again, a…beautiful stranger. A beautiful lie.

The robes are white and silver, with the phoenix as a running theme. The silver birds are finely embroidered on each sleeve and silky under my fingertips. I turn around and I see another phoenix there, covering nearly the entirety of the upper back of the robes. It's _too_ beautiful…for someone like me.

My eyes come back up to my face, and I see she's done my hair as well, tying the shoulder length raven tresses at the nape of my neck with a silver piece of silk. A diamond stud is in each of my ears. Shadows dance in my eyes before I raise my mask again. I turn my back fully to the mirrors, smiling at Botan.

"Ready! Don't want the keep the Diaper King waiting." I joke and hold out my arm to her.

She takes it, dragging me toward the celebration hall, dragging me away from the last of my freedom.

_Don't be a fool_. Hiei's words echo in my mind, the fluttering promises in his breath, the fire he awakens in me all over again.

I know it will never end between us. The lies will merely begin tangling this new dimension of my life and more of those I love into our web. I'll soon belong to Koenma "forever," that's all. He just doesn't know he has to share me. My heart, my body…half my soul. I love Koenma. I do. Just not enough to give up my addiction.

.-.-.-.

_To be continued…_


	2. Part II

Disclaimer: As always, Yu Yu Hakusho isn't mine, and nor am I making any money from writing this fanfiction.

Dedication: I love you muchly, Ambie-chan. I'm so sorry I haven't written on this piece in awhile. Will you ever forgiveth me? And thank you, **VixenOfTheWolves** for nudging me to write this long, overdue chapter. Part II is now complete for _**Indomitable**_**'s prequel**. Thank you for being gracious enough to not give up on this story, even though it's been at least two years since I last wrote on it. I'm really sorry if it's atrocious. I had a helluva time getting back into the swing of my original intentions, and I still don't know if I did that well enough.

Ch. warning(s): Angst. Yaoi. Two-timing. Love triangle. Not much is different from the first chapter, except that I didn't really twist an episode to suit my own purposes (but don't hold your breath; it's gonna happen in _Part III_. Hinthint: look at the first quote in _Part I_).

Rating: Light **M**. I kinda tease you with a little lime, and there's some foul language.

Ch. Inspiration Notes: _Part II _is in **Hiei's POV **and written for 30_caresses theme # 28 dishelved; in the rain; thunder and 7_virtues theme #5 patience at LJ for the Hiei/Yusuke pairing; This chapter is also written for 30_angsts theme # 11 . . . (~never really mine) for the Koenma/Yusuke pairing. Songs that partly inspired the chapter were Hinder's "Better Than Me" and Creed's "Rain."

Additional notes: "Terminal genesis" means in my mind something like "a start that never seems to end." I don't know if that helps, but it might. Please ask questions if you're lost. I know my writing style is kind of strange and my timeline might be confusing...

But for what it's worth, please enjoy my fanfiction. There's only two chapters left! I may actually finish a multichapter fic. It's mind boggling, ne?

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**Terminal Genesis: The Confessionals**_**  
Part II **_

Chapter finished on 6/27/11  
Chapter word count**: **Roughly 1700 words

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_They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning._—Clint Eastwood

.-.-.-.

Countless times I've asked myself why I let things continue between us because he's insufferable. A mere boy. Had the Detective been any other, he'd be dead by now. He can't make up his mind about what—and who—he wants, and I say little or nothing (What is there to say?) about the matter. I'm not myself with him while he _is_, with me. Or so he claims.

He's lied to them for years about us. To his human girl. The fox. His _new_ mate. He's lied to everyone ("I don't lie to you," he said to me a year or so ago), and I've encouraged it. His conscience eats him alive for splitting himself in twos and threes. I let that happen, too, wondering when he'll completely break, yet I won't forsake what little he gives of himself to me_. _I'm as selfish as he is. Besides, who am I to cast stones at him for deception when Yukina will never know I'm her brother.

.-.-.-.

His blood tasted wonderful on my tongue this morning. Burning, zinging, precious metal doused in cold flame—Perhaps, what I'd taste if I kissed the side of a pistol he'd hold in his grasp. The salt from the sweat on his hand would echo strains of that blood I'd licked away. And the warm tears I had to caress from his cheeks...

Yusuke was _crying. _I wonder why I wasn't disgusted. He showed vulnerability. I knew I was seeing the first signs he was beginning to shatter. When he breaks _absolutely_, it will be with a blow like the Detective dealt to that mirror, and, once again, I will have to be there to pull the shards away from his wounds and force him to put himself back together.

We're beings forged with baser instincts, from hell and darkness, so he must learn to embrace the resilience found in demons because fragility is for his humans.

Yet I couldn't stand the way those jagged pieces invaded his skin, so I kissed, sucked, and bit each piece away. With long, drawing sweeps of my tongue between the ridges of his knuckles, on the smooth planes of his forehand, I could make him mine again, even if it was only for a little while. Wet and warm, I knew he could feel the fire, and I knew he _needed_ it. Sun-kissed flesh, rough and silken in the same breath, his heat and life pulsing beneath my lips, my teeth...

Somehow that moment reminded me of what it feels like when I'm inside him, taking him over one inch at a time, when I possess him from the inside out.

My tongue kissing, closing, his open, bleeding wounds—an exchange, maybe even a vow, was made from such an invasion. I don't have to tell Yusuke with many words ("Don't be a fool," I'd whispered in his ear) that some part of him will always be mine.

I indulge his ravenous hunger and cover what his conscience considers "illicit" in shadow. I don't think what we share is ugly, but what goes on between the Detective and myself is not the others' business. I encourage him to keep his silence because I don't want to lose my piece of him.

If only I _were_ his dark, dangerous secret... I don't really care what the others think, but he does, so I, in a way, strangely do (for his sake). What we have is "dangerous" because he's changing me. How he has _been _changing me the twelve, thirteen years since our "trysts" began.

.-.-.-.

There are a thousand—and more—things the boy doesn't know about me or what I do and can and will do. For instance, the Detective had no idea I was watching him in the sanctum of _their_ bedroom this morning. It's no secret that I've broken into the Reikai before—from personal experience, I know pathetic wards guard the death god's treasure vaults; Koenma hardly has _any_ protection on his personal rooms at the palace. Koenma doesn't know—and it better stay that way—I'm able to mask my energy when I choose. I was surprised Yusuke couldn't sense me as he usually does.

I felt a surge of delight knowing that I could pervade the "sacred" space Koenma and Yusuke share, without their knowledge. It gives me something more over them. I take something precious away from Koenma, and I get a little more of the Detective in the process.

Though, I'm angry at myself for making an appearance in the bathroom when he smashed the mirror. I just couldn't stop myself. Something in me couldn't stand to see him...hurting (The thought makes me cringe I'd even say that). As punishment, I was "absent" from the bonding ceremony between the Detective and Koenma; I don't know who exactly I was...trying to chastise. I don't even really know why I _was _here today...in one of the places I hate most in all three worlds. The Reikai is an appalling place to me, and I don't know how Yusuke believes he could ever be "happy" here.

.-.-.-.

Hours pass as I sit in the windowseat, right next to their bed, the covers on it a scarlet sea of sinful meaning—Yusuke was thinking of my eyes when he chose their bedding. A small smirk edges its way across my mouth at the secret knowledge that the Detective couldn't bear to forget me even when he's in another man's bed. One of my legs eventually stretches out while the other dangles off the side.

I watch the scene languish and blur through the glass from the time he leaves to the time the sun reaches half power at midday (the echo of celebration winds its way to my ears, but I don't really hear the clamor, the palace alive with the joy of a death god's union). I feel the warm breath of the sun's rays pulsate against my skin, and it's all I can do to close my eyes and not imagine Yusuke's breath ghosting across my neck, my arms, his hands wandering over my chest, peaking my nipples...

I should be off in the Makai killing weak things. Dare I say I'm...pining? The fox would have a field day if he even heard me even _think_ that atrocious word. I wonder who would be considered the fool now—me or Kuwabara?

I place my sword, sheathed, the handle against one side of my throat to hold it in place, to secure it in my arms, as my head falls soundly against the cooling glass. While I do close my eyes, I think of nothing, not even the Detective's striking, butterfly stirring smile. A small nap might do me wonders.

.-.-.-.

The soft slithering of raindrops crawling down glass calls me to the surface of slumber, but it is the rumbling crash of thunder and the angry flare of lightening, that jerks me awake. My hands immediately go to pull out my sword, until I realize three things: one) I'm in Koenma's private chambers; two) it must be well beyond sunset; and three) _He's_ staring at me like I've grown ten heads, with his Bonded sprawled—and sated—on their bed at his back.

_Hiei, have you been there all day?_ Yusuke's words shiver like falling leaves through the caverns of my mind. I sometimes wish I hadn't taught him telepathy...

_Hn._ Why lie to him? My "shield" for masking my energy must have weakened sometime while I was asleep. It's a wonder Koenma didn't sense my presence—for that I suppose I'm grateful.

_You're a creep, you know. If I didn't know you, I'd call you a pervert. _Yusuke rolls his eyes with those words before startling me, by pulling me into his arms, into an awkward half-embrace.

I suddenly realize how chilly I'd gotten against the glass because his flesh is so damn warm against my own. My legs somehow end up folding around his waist, his hands carding through my hair, pressing the side of my face against his chest. Did ever I let him...cradle me before? How strange.

_How the hell can you sleep through someone having sex? We were practically screeching like monkeys. _What a way to kill the mood, Detective.

A low growl rumbles in my throat, and I push the boy away with enough power to knock him toward his bed, the back of his knees hitting the edge. Koenma shifts, and I can't bring myself to give a damn if he wakes.

_Like hell I want to see or hear you go at it "like monkeys" with Koenma. And you could never know _me_, boy. It would take at least a thousand years._ My eyes sweep him from head to toe and back up to his dark, smoldering eyes. I have to admit he does look good enough to eat, standing there naked in front of me.

"Make love to me in the rain," the Detective requests under his breath, but out loud.

"I "make love" to no one," I turn my back to him, placing my sword at my waist, where it belongs.

But when I finish, I turn back to him and still reach out my hand anyway.

He doesn't hesitate to grasp it. He doesn't even look at back at his mate, who curls up just then, with Yusuke's pillow (Who knew Koenma could smile in true innocence).

And who cares if the Detective will never truly be mine alone. I don't. Not when I'm the one he's turning his grin on in this moment. Not when it's his hand I'm holding close to my heart. The same hand I'd kissed earlier that day.

I've had tiny pieces of Yusuke for a long, long time. All I have to do is wait for that day he can give all of himself to me (and love will have nothing to do with it, of course). After all, it is me who has to be worthy of him, and right now, I'm not—and perhaps I'll never be. Because I can't give him all of _me_.

"Let's go, Detective," and we leave through the window, somehow managing to close it quietly behind us.

The boy would be back in Koenma's arms again soon enough, so I'll enjoy him while he's mine.

.-.-.-.

_To be continued..._


End file.
